Mein gott indeed, it has been literally bloody ages since last i recorded anything in these electronically 'ethereal' pages.  Fer starters, some quicky 'de factos' of me as of late:  Got mein labret done, got a new car; '82 Chrysler Cordoba *excellant condition*-refer to Dmitriy's entry, got some more piercings on 'ze ear, didnt graduate in May when i was supposed to;family from the bloody east, and west coast *plus* some from england came in for the occasion, and all they arrived to was shame, heartbreak, and all that blah...anyhoo, just recently found out i did in fact graduated, and will participate in an auxilliary graduation ceremony in august...with 'ze other fuck ups of Notre Dame aswell, 'thar be 13 of us to be exact...er precise, er, whatever.  Have been seeing alot of dear, dear lauren as of late, which absolutely is awesome, 'though with the recent calamidy that has befallen her poor dog, and her father's increasing frustration, i assume it doth not be good, but, boy howdy, is it just freaking wonderful to have her here in her home of D.P.  Hooked up with many, many and 'old chums, along with some old flames, and, some new ones...madame jean of claire's (flame), monsiuer nickolas and his lady kristi (potential/new flames/chums), lords zaq paniq and jim kuback formerly known as chris (chums), and lady karen and the 'mchenry punk bunch' (new chums along with new flames.)  Gee golly, most wonderful indeed.  I, however, greatly miss those of mein far more passionately caring for 'famiglia.'  The 'ol clan has had its tears and additions over time, and, it feels as if the drifting is all the more potent and rigorous as of recent, and it sincerely scares me.  Bottom line, i miss mein mary, mein ryan, mein diana, and mein joe-bei.  Y'all other folk i have been seeing 'ya lately, so, its all good homefry! :)  Anyhoo, might i also add to this long coming entry that life, quite simply, could not be any better!  Lets look at the stats, shall we?   1.) NO MORE NOTRE DAME!  Definitly my favorite part of the list!  2.) Far more independence, i.e. financial, owning a car, etc.  3.) In tandem with #2, well, more like fringing on it, anyway:  Being able to do whatever the hell i wants basically!  Might i also add, another integral part of mein happiness is that things with the mother and sibling are just really great, healthy, and plain tolerant. 

Hee, it be funny...

As i write this, mein mind is just swarming with thought and the 'hurdles' that i must encounter and overcome today...(i wrotes a bad check fer 'ze car i bought yesterday...NOT GOOD...i have to run to the bank as soon as it opens and pump some desperately needed money into the thing...there is also the matter of obtaining that cash...ARGH!!)  I cant help but laugh really, because i am just so overjoyed right now, i just feel as if a wonderful wisp of warmth, and vitality has me wrapped up in a fuzzy blanket, fresh out of the dryer...hell, i think that damned 'Snuggle' bear is creeping in the damned thing!  Hee, little lauren and joe-bei have been tuckered out now for a couple hours, and are catching some beauty Zs.  If all goes according to plan, me, ryan, joe-bei, lauren, and perhaps dmitriy shall be going down to mchenry to be with 'ze respective 'punk bunch' to have some good times and residence in a parental unit-less domicile.  Wellp, i better go and prepare for the long, long day that awaits me...Christ on a cracker!  Did anyone else catch that?

Aidan updated his journal!!

:-P, FLCL

current mood: hopeful

The rain is beautiful...

the rain, quiet simply, wonderful,

Shite!  Anyhoo, aye, the rain is just ever so peaceful, and i had to acknowledge.  I went out to the old, decreped, useless vehicle of mine, and just sat in there...i had brought 2 cigarettes, a blankey, and a wee green pillow, intending on falling asleep there.  It was such a beautiful concept...fading, ever so slowly, into a sleep intricately in tandem with the rain...my breathing, in unison with the water...these cascading cumulon tears, just ravaging my deceased car...gravy, it was nice...

My nirvana, however, lasted not long at'all.  Dismayed by life, and worried as per the future's comings, i left my fallen chariot, and made my way back into my gloomy nook of a home.  Gott...I want an assurance everything will be ok...i want solace, i want arms to hold me...le sigh.

current mood: tranquil

Had found this really cool GIF icon of Rajura/Dais from Yoriden Samurai Troopers/Ronin Warriors in which he was doing his special attack Tochimou/Web of Deception and i was all psyched to make it a peek-it-ture fer livejournal, but alas, the damned thing just didnt give...i aint not good at the whole 'paint' thing in order to change it...anyway....

Talked to nick very briefly online yesterday, it was very awkward...It was as if nothing had happened, and that was kinda spooky.  He said he was going to leave to go get kristi, and then give me a call when he got back.  He didnt call.  Nick, kristi...they have been swarming mein mind more so these past two days, and i am so very confused as per what to do, etc.  Gravy...i just hope everything will be ok, no one hurt, and possibly 'normality' shall be restored.

Today in school i got quite the treat!  We were told that, due to prom being fri. night, the senior class didnt have to go to school...THAT FREAKING ROCKS!  So, i figure im gonna enjoy the hell out of mein thurs. evening tonight, and then rock the shit out of ACEN tomorrow...whenever the hell i want to go! 

Though thats great 'en all, i dont know if im going to go, i dont know, its just a thought.  I want things 'straightened' out...and, i think these things might need my full attention...Fuck, i dont know anything!!

current mood: bizarre

'Learn now the lore of Living Creatures!

First name the four, the free peoples:

Eldest of all, the elf-children;

Dwarf the delver, dark are his houses;

Ent the earthborn, old as mountains;

Man the mortal, master of horses:'

-Fangorn the Ent (TreeBeard), The Two Towers, TreeBeard

(J.R.R Tolkien)

Just thought i'd throw in that wee quote of a larger poem from, obviously, the second volume of the large work known as 'Lord of the Rings.'  Anyway, on to events...

I am very, very depressed...and it is a coupling of so many things, but, two primary factors comprise the greater bulk of that sinister 'feel' known as depression...er, perhaps two, with on ebeing greater than the other, first off, the lesser:

First off, is the graduation scare.  Last week, hell, as late as earlier this week, i had thought that i had everything under control and i was indeed going to graduate.  This week, however, i learned that there still is a chance, a great one in fact, that i wont.  Basically, it all concerns that damned credit that i have to reconcile and get.  Its just getting close to the wire, and i am afraid that it will work out.  That is that, as per the graduation thing.

Now onto the prime source of depression as of this moment...the real reason i be supposing i am feeling so shitty...

Alright, it all started on, i believe the night of sun. the second of may, when i had decided to visit nick  I had met nick in rehab, he was a really cool guy, hell, i even developed a crush on him, and ever since rehab we have always been talking about getting together, and we were finally gettin' together.  When i arrived, i had also met his girlfriend, kristi, a very attractive person.  A good time was had...atleast, by me and nick anyway, and that was that eve.  We saw each other twice after that, getting drunk one night, getting high the next, but no real oppurtunity was allotted for us, me, nick, and kristi, to have a real in depth conversation.  Well, i find out that i apparantely was acting like a real jack ass when we first met on that sun. night, and that i had made kristi very, very angry...so much infact, that she had never been so mad at a person before in her life.  This was so very fucked up, because i had no idea i came off in such a manner, and, that having done so caused so much anger.  She said this was fine, nothing deemed worthy of apology, and she actually liked me out of nick's pals in particulars for this 'asshole' charm i had...(?)  Anyway, im sitting at home last night, after work, bored as shite when who should call but kristi...and apparantely she wants to get together for denny's...'ya know, the whole coffee and linguistic stimulation bit, well, i was totally up for it, although i was really botched for a ride, and i really had wanted to go so bad that i was even thinking of taking mein mom's car.  I shot that idea done, however, after i gave a joe a ring and had asked if i could take him, me, nick, and kristi out fer coffee out in his sister's car.  He nicely allowed, granted i procure gas funds, and we were off.  I was going to see these two, absolutely amazing, physically+mentally beautiful people, whom i found myself having the biggest yearn and desire to be around with as of late.  Well, we get there, pick them up, and after i give kristi her cd i had made for her, we are off to denny's on harlem.  After listening to some manson, i put in some of The Faint, which kristi also likes...you could realize how my respect/attraction level for her just shot up, i mean c'mon, The Faint is amazing, and we got there!  We all got our coffees, were making trivial, uneasy conversation when kristi asked to talk to me...

Totally scared shittless, and not knowing what the fuck to expect, i slowly escorted her outside where we sat on some 'block things' and had a chat.  HOLY FUCK!  She said the most, well, not neccessarilly crazy, just totally unexpected things!  Things like i dont know about me and nick, i want more aggresson in our sex life, o and yea, im actually lusting after you!  I nearly flipped out!!  I thought she was totally fucking with me, this absolutely gorgeous person was wishing to, 'fuck my brains out.'  It was so very enticing, but so very forbidden at the same time!  I mean, i like nik and kristi ever so much, on so many levels, but i dont think i could ever go in between them like that, the guilt would honestly devour me!  Aye, after the shocker, i had revealed my feelings for nick, and for her, and we had then talked about this crazy notion of a threesome that surprisingly we both have had in ou minds for awhile.  It was such a wonderful talk, we even shared a small, innocent kiss, coupled with some snuggling, and a nice glosser of a hug after all of our thoughts were said...but, then where the hell do we go from here remained ever so venomously stagnant in mein mind!  We had went back inside, chatted with them, had even left again for another long talk outside, and gone back...and i guess she had revealed mein feelings to nick, and our notion of 'fun, fun' amongst the three of us, he was as shocked as mein self...and i know not what be going on now...i am scared, i dont want to hurt anyone, i want everyone to be happy...but i want to be happy too, i havent been in such a long time...dont i deserve to be too?

Im really depressed...

current mood: depressed

Welp, time to finally finish all of 'ze 'stuff' i had wanted to record orginially, but had gotten rudely interrupted by the need to go to class...geesh, what assholes them school administrative folk.  Anyway, back to the story...

So, as i slept, the gang all went to Denny's, and i probably got aboot an hour of sleep from when i then called 'them' and had asked if they could pick me up.  Ryan kindly did, for a cigarrette, and i had arrived at Denny's at last!  I believe, if mein memory serves me correctly, it was me, ryan, dmitriy, mary, lauren, joe, nicole, and sling, all enjoyin' ourselves at 'ze place to be.' (h'uh, right...)  St. pat 'ze homeless of bible thumping was also there, and he kindly, but rather foolishly, bought most of the brunt of the peoples' stuffs, and was ranting aboot religion primarily with joe, and then as joe decided to nap in 'ze booth, he came on over to our side and began talking about oldies t.v. with me and ryan, which i have little, if any, knowledge aboot, so, it was primarily just ryan and him chatting aboot it.  Then, after awhiles, we gathered out things, paid the remnants of the bill, and set our mindsets to 'leaving.'  Before we had left, pat left to go sleep 'somewhere,' and had inquired as per whether we were going to be there the next day, so as to continue our wee 'chats' with him.  I said we would try, and we were then off.  I believe dmitriy and ryan just began dropping folk off at their respective places, and so we all headed home.  Again, if mein mind serves me correctly, that was that evening!

Sun. rolls around, and mein mother wakes me up at 9:00 a.m., and tell me we are going to church.  Bloody church!  When the fuck do we, the brogans, ever go to church, fucking never!  So, naturally, i had inquired as per why the fuck that it was we were going.  Apparantely, 'ol St. Zachary was throwing a special mass for the graduating class of 2004, and, a breakfast following.  What this meant to me, aside from being a complete waste of mein time, was seeing all of those fucks from mein old elementary years who had made mein life shite for freaking years!  To put it bluntly, i just simply didnt wanna go.  My mother wouldnt hear any of it, and we began a 'firespitting' contest, which led to me regrettably winning, leaving mein mother ever so hurt, and very dismayed with me, which i completely am sorry for!  They, sibling and mom, left the very moment i had gotten out of the shower, and i said i would have gone an all, but, i still made an issue about it, and gotten her very, very hurt.  So, as they went to the mass that was thrown to celebrate mein graduation and that of mein former classmates, i simply stayed, guilty to the max, and very, very displeased with myself.  My mom later told me she felt so very embarassed being there without the person the whole damned thing was for...and that made it much worse.  They didnt stay for breakfast, and i guess mein grandparents had also gone, but didnt get to eat because i didnt go, and mein mother was just to hurt to stay.  When she got home, she didnt speak to me the entire day afterward, and night for that matter.  I had work later that day at 5, and originally banking on her taking me, i had to beg and plead some pals for passage, and when work was over, i walked home...in fear of calling my mother, and hearing her tear seeped voice trembling at how very much i had hurt her earlier that day.  Yea, so, that was my absolutely horrible, and heartwrenching Sun.

Monday was routine and filled with typical school drudgery, and i just slept when i got home...due to mein staying up the nght previous, not insomnia fueled mind you, but rather very, very shitt-ily depressed as per what i had done on Sun.  Yea, so that was that.

Tues. was pretty much equally routine, school and then work.  Although, one thing did kinda stick out.  Usually during nights, when i primarily work, none of our three 'big-bad-militaristic' managers works aswell.  This day was very different.  Jim, the 'second in command' of the osco hiearchy, was there all night, and boy howdy, it seemed as if he made it his responsibilty to make mein night a living hell!  The asshole didnt let me work with tammi, which is what i usually do every tues. and fri., actually enjoying myself at work, and he had the fucking nerve to time my god damned break, and nearly literaly breathe down mein neck as per, 'Your breaks over aidan, why is it you are still back here...not being the drone i had hired!'  So yea, mein break was cut 15 mins short, and i certainly wasnt going to take this tyrannical, perhaps stereotypical/neccessary manager-ness as doctrine!  So, as i marched out of the back after my 'break' ended, i went straight outside to where i had me a loverly 20 min. cigarrette break.  O, and then something else very wired occurred!  As i sat on the bench to the right of the osco entrance, enjoying mein fag, and old classmate of mine from St. Zachary's is walking up to the door.  She waves and says, 'hey you!' and walks on over, sits down, and asks if i have one (cigarrette) for her.  So, i stare at her a bit absent mindedly fer a minute, and realize its jenny forman...a classmate from mein elementary school.  So i give her a cigarette, and she notices how aidan, orginally back in the day was just borderline psychotic, wore black perhaps a bit much (hey, thats still me!-lol), and hanged with primarily the 'erics' in school, whom were the 'o no, dont talk to them, their clique is inferior...there losers...they are like those crazy 'goth' people!', has now gotten even 'wilder,' noticing mein tongue, jewelery, overall appearance, etc.  We then discussed that damned mass thing that was on sun., and she talked about all of those fudgers she had seen there.  She then asked if i still hung out with either of the 'erics.'  I said that yea, i still see one occasionally, and i said the other i had absolutely no idear aboot.  She said in her, im a slut, claifornia valley girl stereotype, walking STD voice, 'Thats so nice...i remember you guys were just so hilarious back in grade school!'  I just kinda shrugged with a wee giggle, and then made my way inside, as freakin' quickly as possible!  She then got up and followed, saying, 'I'm having a party for my graduation, and i'm having everyone from the old class over...can you tell eric sy. to come?'  I laughingly said yes, although me and him i can most definitly say arent going...i most certainly dont need to see any of those people.  Anyway, with that, we went our seperate ways, me to work, her to whatever the fuck she was doing...something california valley girl like.  Yea, so, then jim gave me all this shit that i had to do by the end of mein shift, which was freaking impossible!  So, for the last hour and a half or so remaining at work, i was busting mein balls trying to meet that asshole's quota, which, by the way, i didnt complete, and had me working on till about 9:15 p.m.  God help me did it suck.  Then, i had needed to make a wee purchase, and in accordance to new policies, employee discounts can only be utilized if a manager of some sort checks you out...LE SIGH!  As jim was walking back to the backroom, i asked him politely if he could give me a '98' (osco lingwo fer employee purchase) he turned around all slow and pissed off like, and let out this annoying as sigh.  Christ, i could have decked the middle-aged bastard!  THEN, as he checked me out, he throws me a wee plastic bag to put mein items into, and say, 'Bag it!'  I was fucking stunned!  So, i bagged my stuff, got mein change, and got picked up by mein sibling.  After, remaining stagnant fer awhile, i then took mum's car out to go get me some adderral mein pharmacist, ryan, and i then went to bed, wanting to take it in the morning so as to feel better during school. Yup, so that was tues.!

As today's school day ended, i am feeling most mello yello.  Mum is out a some bar celebrating some co-worker's retirement, so, i had to ask monsieur dmitiry fer a ride, which might i had, he kindly is giving me.  O, yea, i had gotten a ride home today with brian, and he checked out mein car...i guess it be the starter that be the problem, so now i atleast know what it is i have to repair. 

Yup, yup, that be the completion of this 'three tiered' entry, it be finally done!  Hey, y'all might get lucky, in typical aidan live-journal fashion, i just might not update fer days, or maybe weeks...so y'all can take heed to that possibility, for i apologize fer this whoppin' entry! 

current mood: arighty i be guessin'...